India Hicks Envy: Part 2

I had the nicest, funniest surprise yesterday when a pie class participant, Linda, showed up bearing a gift for me.

Behold, her barely used bottle of India Hicks Island Living perfume.

I laughed -- and she laughed -- because without saying a word, I knew she had read my recent blog post about my India Hicks envy.

"It's just a little too sweet for my taste," Linda said. "I thought maybe you might like to try it."

I pulled off the cap, sniffed at the spray nozzle, and said, "Yes, I do like it. Thank you so much." But then I couldn't stop myself from adding with a laugh, "Damn her. Why did I have to like her perfume? I'm already envious enough."

I proceeded to tell Linda about a private email I received from a woman after my post telling me how I had no reason to be envious, that India Hicks may have a perfect jaw and royal blood, but she doesn't make pie! Case in point: "She made cupcakes for her mother's book signing but no one ate them and she couldn't even give them away!" (I didn't add that last part to be catty. I was merely repeating what this woman pointed out in her email after obviously having perused India's blog.)

"You should have your own line of perfume," Linda replied.

Amazing how one photo can conjure up
an impression of someone's life -- and
provoke such envy

I looked at the bottle and thought for a moment -- and I remembered that picture of India Hicks, looking glamorous and carefree, driving her speedboat -- with her two dogs on the bow -- on those clear turquoise waters of the Bahamas.

"Yes," I said. "I could recreate her image-- and rename the perfume --to match my life."

Here's what the formula would be:


Two terriers -- one black, one white -- with bandanas instead of expensive leather collars

We like to pretend our huge sand-colored hay field is like a beach.

In a canoe (no motor) on the murky green waters of the Des Moines River

You won't be eating any lobster out of here. And it's probably best to avoid eating the catfish too.

Finally, add an native Iowan pie baker with oven burns covering her arms and absolutely no trace of blue blood...

And what you get is:

Beth Howard's 

River Living 

Apple-Cinnamon *  Oh dee Toilet

Wait until I get the label designed. Crabtree and Evelyn is gonna love it. I'm sure they'll be calling any minute.